The Thrill Is Gone

Grapes growing in the trees between the Kitchen Garden and the dog pen.

I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post. Somehow, our calendar cleared in May, and we had a couple of very light weeks in which to relax (for the most part). I've spent part of the time still trying to organize the house, and John and I have used some of this time together to finally get our garden in.

The new garden, yet unnamed, where the chickens used to live.

My enthusiasm for the garden this year has really been non-existent. It has taken me months to decide that I even want a garden. Of course, wanting a garden isn't an option for John and I. We have to have a garden to supplement our income, and free up our cash for other necessities. So, perhaps it has been more a case of procrastination. I'm not sure.

A month or two ago I bought lots of veggie plants while I was waiting to decide, but left them to John's care while I tried to figure out if I was going to participate in the planting of the garden this year or not. I really thought I'd get more interested before now, but John has been very good to wait patiently for me to make up my mind and join him in the garden. I'm glad I finally did.

A variety of sweet and hot peppers in the new garden.

When my mother passed away two years ago (this August), my life changed significantly. I not only lost my best friend and cooking muse, I lost the best reason I had for getting out of the house for social activity ~ visits to see my parents. It took a lot of time to convince my parents to move to Georgia so we could be closer and take care of each other; but they finally moved here in January, 2006, and I couldn't have been happier! Though I would have loved to have them living next door, the closest property we could find was 20 minutes from 5~Acre Farm. Here at home, or at their place, the four of us would get together at least once a week to share meals, movies, music, laughter, and marvelous, rich, hours-long conversations that were most frequently about scripture, and the deep things of God. These visits were my greatest stimulation and inspiration!

Cucumbers in the new garden.

Tomatoes in the main kitchen garden.

Since Mother passed, I haven't been very stimulated by or inspired about much of anything. I've tried. I've prayed. I've looked deep into myself. I've looked far outside myself. I've explored options. I've pushed myself. Nothing. My interest in everything seems to have dropped off significantly in spite of my desire otherwise. So, nothing has caught my imagination or stimulated me in the slightest! Well, except for two things.

Overflow tomatoes in the spring garden

Master Chef entry: Neck Bones & Jasmine Rice

Last fall I auditioned for Chef Gordon Ramsay's television show, Master Chef. The idea of a cooking competition definitely stimulated my imagination and my competitive nature, and it reignited my love of cooking! The fact that I might even have a chance to meet Ramsay was an added incentive. So I spent a couple of weeks going through my recipes and found a "signature dish" that I spent a month perfecting for my audition at the Culinary Institute in Atlanta. Although I was eliminated in an early round of the competition, I had a great time, met some awesome people, gave a young woman a plate (when she realized she was supposed to bring her own and didn't), and, for a little while, I dreamed!

Yellow Squash and Zucchini

Smoked Pork Neck Bones & Jasmine Rice. 

Tomatoes, Cucumbers, bolting lettuce, and basil in containers

Our first two baby squash!

Then, there was my decision to renew this blog in the new year. I have to say, I have enjoyed it. This blog has been a good project for me. It is a daily incentive to find something new and worthwhile to write about. It is stimulation to my creative thinking process, and it gives me a reason to get outside, take more pictures, and observe my life more objectively to see what, if anything, might be interesting to others. It has been challenging, at times, to come up with ideas for the blog, even though some weeks there are so many things going on, I can't begin to write about them all! And it has been surprising to see which posts have gotten the most attention (recycling an old mattress set, and handgun classes). It was also truly heartwarming to learn that there are people reading my blog, enjoying it, and even being inspired by it! Wow! I never saw that coming, but it has been a real morale booster, to say the least.

Cabbage & collards left to flower for the bees and go to seed for collection

Many homesteaders today work full or part-time jobs. Besides providing an income that keeps their small farms going, employment, and activities with friends, on or away from the farm, provide morale through much needed social stimulation. Friends, co-workers, and those people briefly criss-crossing our lives as they pass through their own, are a breath of fresh air for the isolated homesteader.

Knowing other people, and meeting new people, is stimulating! Our imaginations are awakened, and our blood stirred by fresh feelings. New thoughts and ideas are often birthed, and we are inspired to dream bigger, reach further, and jump higher than we might have otherwise been inclined to do - because of our relationships with other people.

Cucumbers

My own life here at 5~Acre Farm is pretty isolated. John and I visit his family several times a year for birthdays and holiday gatherings, we see members of my family several times a year, and we have a small church family that we gather with each Sunday. Doctor visits and errands, which don't count as social outings (or dates, John), do bring us in contact with others, and are sometimes pleasant and stimulating; but our lives, for no intentional purpose, lack the richness that leisure time with friends offers. What I'm saying is that John and I have each other, but we don't have any close friends. So we manage, and we compensate.

Facebook is a godsend for the isolated and shut-ins. John and I are both pretty active on Facebook. John is at his computer for a while each morning and each afternoon, and I'm at my computer on and off all day.

Tiny tomatoes!

Like everyone else, I have several hundred Facebook friends. Many were added because of the FB games I no longer play, and some were added because of common interests like gardening, canning, or prepping. The majority of all these friends are Christian. Overall, I enjoy following everyone's adventures, "Like"-ing their posts, laughing with them, praying with them, and even crying with them when they suffer sorrow. There is only a handful of these friends who cross my path on a daily basis though, whom I feel I've been getting to know a little more than casually; a few people I really like calling friends, who, even online, help fill that social void in my life.

I have had one very special Facebook friend who met a lot of the criteria I mentioned above. Living on opposite sides of the country, we of course have never met. We haven't spent a lot of time chatting, nor have our conversations been of a personal nature. We simply have been crossing paths once or twice a day for a moment or two, and sharing a few laughs, family stories, gardening experiences, and the Word of God. Most of all, there has been a lot of mutual encouragement through difficult times. 

Our crabapple trees in bloom.

This week our Facebook friendship ended. In parting ways, I realize that I will sincerely miss what this friend brought to my semi-isolated life; a marvelous sense of humor, a gifted story-telling style, a powerful devotion to family, and an unquenchable desire to serve God at a deep and passionate level. Every encounter we had encouraged me to persevere through my own physical and financial hardships, to re-envision my own dream and keep reaching for it, to laugh and smile, and to remember that I am on a path that God is laying out before me on a moment to moment basis. Sadly, I will not soon get over the loss of this good friend.

But change comes - joyfully, sorrowfully, confusingly - it comes. Sometimes it is expected, but often enough, it is not, and how frustrating that can be! So, since we can't stop change, we have to figure out where we fit in with change when it comes.

I think, the thing to do with change is to embrace it. You are still there in the midst of the change, and who you are doesn't have to change - not by your choice and not at the demand of someone else. You simply have to adapt. I simply have to adapt. That's the embrace! Adapting! I've always been good at that. I realize, however, that I haven't been adapting for some time. I think I've been standing stiffly in one place for too long, stubbornly trying not to move until what I'm tired of chasing comes to me. Isn't that ridiculous? How did I ever let myself get stuck there?

So it's time to loosen up, time to walk away from stubbornness and indecision, to run even, forward, toward that dream I still have for a happy, self-sustainable lifestyle shared with my beloved husband, even if it is only ever just the two of us here at 5~Acre Farm. It's time to embrace the change, even the things I might not like, so I can continue on the path that God is placing before me one step at a time. If the thrill is gone, then it's time for me to find my thrill and get it back!

What about you? Is there something you need to let go of so you can move forward? Is there some change that you need to embrace so you can adapt and move on? Just remember, God is still there with you, placing your path before you, one step at a time! Now go get your thrill back!

Moving the Chickens, Finding a Garden Bed

Primary Pen: Mostly hens

 John is always working hard around the farm. He's got more ideas than he has time to implement them.

Late yesterday afternoon I stepped outside to see what John was up to. He'd been telling me for days that he was going to move the main chicken pen to a nearby area under the trees.

Well, he moved it! All by himself! His idea is to have the chickens in a well-shaded area as the summer gets hotter, and to let the chickens clean out the area under the trees. That works for me!

If you haven't noticed already, the chicken pen is constructed of two 20'x20' dog pens. We were considering several types of chicken pens when a number of baby chicks were more than ready to be moved out of the brooder pen two years ago. We put them in a 10'x10' dog pen temporarily, and quickly realized that it was the perfect pen for adult chickens. And the dog house? That works too! The chickens love it! They lay their eggs in there during the day, and roost in there at night. The A-frame thing is a cover over the food dish, and another favorite perch for the chickens.

Where the primary pen was, now the new garden bed

The area where the pen was standing will be another new garden bed. The area is 20'x20', the size of the pen that was there, and having already been cleared and fertilized by the chickens, it makes for a great garden bed! There are some brushy stumps that need to be removed, but John says he can do that rather easily.  

Before sundown yesterday, John had tilled up the area to about 18 inches deep.

Of course John's entourage was nearby to observe and lend a hand as needed.

Maggie took point.

And the hard working genius behind almost everything that happens here at 5~Acre Farm, completed yet another task just before the sun settled low on the horizon, then quietly moved on to another task, anxious to do as much as he could before darkness settled in
and his day would officially be over.

The End.

Time Keeps on Slippin', Slippin', Slippin'

Collards and Broccoli bolting

Oh yeah, and weeds! Plenty of weeds!

While we were pushing ourselves at a murderous pace through the last three very busy weeks, distracted by doctor appointments for John and Dad (two to three a week), a reception for my niece and her husband, a grandchild's birthday party, bees getting ready to swarm, and a couple of pressing projects ~~ like turning our storage room into a guest room (with company almost on the doorstep at the time), changing things around in my father's room (because he was ready for a little change), and emptying out my father's house so others could move in ASAP! (Why is everything always asap?), as well as finding someplace to put all the stuff we had to move! (Can you say Yard Sale?)  ...

The winter garden moved on without us!

Mother Nature doesn't move at the preferred pace of men. She doesn't slow down and wait for us to catch up, and she certainly isn't in a hurry to get to the finish line of any particular project like a vegetable garden, no matter how much we beg her! (Are we there yet?)

Perfect and beautiful heads of Cabbage ready to pull ... and weeds

Mother Nature moves in perfect harmony with Time. They are an inseparable couple.

Flowering Broccoli ... and weeds

If you turn your back on Mother, she doesn't get offended, and she doesn't storm off in a huff. She very simply just keeps going ~ in the same direction, toward the same goal, at the same pace, hand in hand with Time.


When we turn around again and look, we are shocked to see that we have missed out on something, that Mother dared to carry on something (like a vegetable garden) without us! We might feel hurt. We might feel offended. But Mother doesn't notice.

She's already moving on. This project is over, others are in the works, and new ones must be started, whether we are ready or not.

Early tomorrow morning, I will harvest the cabbages and the collards, and see if there is any broccoli worth saving. At least I got a great first harvest of broccoli about a month ago. It's the side shoots that have bolted. I'll wash, chop, blanch and freeze the collards for summer eating. I'll cook lots of fresh cabbage this week, give some of them away, and see if I can find a local shop to buy a few of them (there are about a dozen heads).

I can't help it that we've been so busy of late. Things have to be prioritized, and I think we've done a good job of balancing our responsibilities. The Winter garden was well established and nearing it's end. We knew that. Our constant attention wasn't needed, although more than a passing glance and a nod to the fact that we needed to get in there and do something would have been good.

As Mother Nature always does, she let us slip by this time, but not without a mild chastisement, a small penance to pay to keep us in remembrance of her authority, of her timeline. Oh yes, she has given us perfectly beautiful, edible fresh vegetables, but she also gave us weeds.

As John and I move ahead now to clear the garden bed and prepare it for the summer crops, as we're bending over our hoes hacking at the weeds, Mother's lesson will teach us that it is a good thing to visit the garden daily, no matter what, to pull a few weeds, daily, a few at a time, when we see them, so they won't gather in such number at the end of the season, laughing at us as we bend our aching backs over our hoes, hacking away at their laughing little green faces.

Mother sure can be a ...

The real eternal struggle of Man!

Oh, wait! As I sit here planning to harvest veggies early tomorrow morning, and spend the day processing them, I suddenly realize I have church in the morning! Ah, well, looks like it's going to be a busier day than I thought!

It's Raining, It's Pouring, and I'm Really Getting Grumpy

John and I have had a few appointments away from home this week, but not as many as usual. You'd think this would have been a good week to work in the garden, but no; it's been raining all week (more like the last month), everything from downpours to drizzle, to misty little rains. Actually, this rain has been nearly continuous since early spring. Quite a change, as I've been accustomed to a short season of rain before the Georgia drought settled in.

Anyway, even this morning I had to go out in a drizzly rain to feed the chickens. And because we can't mow wet grass, the grass in the yard has grown to more than knee-high. As a child, I was not one to go out and play in the rain. As an adult, I am still not inclined to do so. Like this morning, I go out into the rain when I have to. Otherwise, I can admire the rain from the safety of indoors, or a covered patio.

So I haven't been able to spend much time in the garden - not more than enough for a walk-through inspection. Here's what I know about my garden right now:

• I really need to get tomato cages up. I've got a few up, but there are still plenty of tomato plants starting to sprawl across the ground.
• The watermelon plants seem to be growing very slowly.
• The cantaloupe and pumpkin are growing thick and reaching out tentatively to spread.
• Strong winds broke off one or two of the pepper plants, but they are still growing.
• Some of the cucumber vines are starting to climb up the old windmill I set up for them, but they have a long way to go.
  
• To my amazement, the broccoli plants in my container garden are finally having a decent show of heads.
• I have two banana pepper plants in containers that have grown three feet tall and need support; but they have some beautiful big peppers on them.
  
• A third banana pepper is stunted and drowning in a pot without drainage.
  
• My container garden on the front deck is crowded.
  

It's this last point that has been getting to me the most in the last few weeks. Every time I have stepped out onto the deck to work in my container garden, it starts to rain. Then, it stops shortly after I give up and go back inside. By then, however, I am into some other project indoors and don't think about going back outside.

Yesterday I was trying to transplant some herb plants I'd bought the day before. I managed to transplant two before a misty little drop here and there became a drizzly downpour. I was determined to keep working in spite of the rain, and managed to also transplant three bush cucumber plants into large containers. At that point, I needed more room on the deck. I stepped around to the side of the deck to remove a large planter with two broccoli in it. I debated calling on John for help several times before I decided I could do it myself. It was just one turn and two steps to the spot where I wanted to put the container.

What I didn't notice, once I had the huge, heavy pot in my arms, was the stair railing. John took down the stairs last year to keep the dogs off the deck and out of the plants, but he didn't take down the railing, which was hiding in the tall grass. I tripped over that and some timbers he'd left on the ground, and went down with the big pot still in my arms. I hit my thigh on some wood in the grass, my neck on the railing, and my face on the edge of the table my herbs are on. My gardening efforts were quite suddenly over for the day.

I went inside, drenched and hurting, and climbed into a warm shower. There is some swelling around my left eye, but no bruising. The back, left side of my neck is very sore and showing a long narrow bruise, and my left thigh is sore.

On a brighter note, on Friday, John had the wonderful idea for us to go on a date! We drove over to Lawrenceville to the $1.99 movie theater to see Nicholas Cage in "Knowing." We've never been to that theater and thought it would be a nice inexpensive treat. (Laughing now, you'll know why later!)

We didn't call ahead to check the movie time until we were already on the road and on our way. We discovered that we were way too early for the movie - three hours too early. So we decided to have an early dinner. Along the way, however, we spotted a plant nursery, and John pulled in. Unplanned free time is a dangerous thing sometimes.

My senses were overwhelmed by the beauty I encountered. Heavenly scents! Stunning color! Textures! The delicate flower shapes! The various shades of green! And I couldn't afford any of it! Well, not until I stepped back outside and saw the wide variety of herbs in 4.5 inch pots for $3.95 each. I still couldn't afford them, but at that price, I could not afford to pass them up. So I decided on 10 herbs, making sure all had culinary uses:

Ginger Mint
Golden Oregano
Winter Savory
Chives
Lemon Verbena
Red Creeping Thyme
Purple Basil
Tansy
Archer's Gold Thyme
Sorrel
Chives

I already have:
Rosemary
Oregano
Lemon Thyme
Lavender
Sweet Basil
Curly Parsley
Flat Leaf Parsley
Coriander
Dill
Sage
Stevia

It was really nice to see the variety of herbs at the nursery we visited. I didn't think I could find that significant a variety locally, and was very pleased. If anyone in Georgia is interested, the place is:

Still Lake Nursery
745 Scenic Hwy
Lawrenceville, GA 30045
770-962-1880

We ate at Burger King in Snellville, and then hustled over the theater. We enjoyed the movie, but discussed the ending extensively. It was interesting, but (I thought) weak.

The whole evening cost us about $60.00 (insert laughter here). Not cheap at all, but we brought more home than empty drink cups this time!

Dance As If You're Falling On Your Face

Well, I got absolutely nothing done yesterday. I'd pushed hard the day before, getting a lot done, and had no energy left for yesterday. But this morning, however, I was up and out early once more. I moved the chicken kite to a new area, fed the chickens, and sat for a few minutes watching the birds do their morning stretching and dancing. Then it was off to the garden.

This morning I planted 14 yellow squash (straightneck and crookneck), 2 okra, and a horde of peppers! I didn't get the chance to count, but I thought there were at least 24 jalapenos, 2 giant jalapenos, 3 red hot cherry peppers, 3 pimiento, 12 sweet banana, and 18 green bell. I also planted 2 Japenese vining cucumbers at the base of an 8 foot tall garden windmill. The next time out, I'll add several pickling cukes I've grown from seed. It will be great to watch them climb that windmill.

Everything was going really well this morning. My energy level seemed fine, the temperature was comfortable, there was a cool breeze, and the sun wasn't too intense. So I wanted to keep working. I took two short breaks to make sure I didn't over-do it, sitting in the rocker sipping a cold drink while I watched the chickens and petted the dogs who were gathered around my feet.

After my second break, just before I was going to finish planting the peppers, I decided to clean up some of the trash that had accumulated in and around the garden. You know, those plastic collars around peat pots and the multi-plant trays, empty soil and mulch bags, and other stuff (I've got to get a trash can out there). John had left a number of very long pvc pipes on the driveway near the garden gate. He's going to cut them into lengths and use them as tomato stakes. They'd been there for a couple of days, but they hadn't been in my way before this morning.

Well, wouldn't you know it, while trying to step over them, my short legs didn't reach and I ended up standing on them. Because they are round, and not flat, my "standing" s udde nly became a dance as they rolled and I tried to stay upright. It was an ugly dance, but it didn't last long. I was on my face, on the pavement in a heartbeat. I got up with two scraped knees, a scraped elbow, and a tearful sense of defeat. I really thought I was going to get the rest of the veggies planted this morning.

I went in the house and John cleaned me up. I was upset, and it came out in anger. I spent the next 30 minutes screaming inappropriately about the pipes and the trash, and the unfinished work, etc. I hate that about myself. I got my temper under control a long, long time ago; but the "perfect storm" of my hormones rushing to the edge of the menopausal cliff like lemmings, unearthed in me a new level of uncontrolability several years ago, and my generously patient husband was frequently the target of my upset.

Actually, my tirade this morning was nothing compared to what I could have done two years ago. So maybe that's a sign that the storm is almost over.

I returned to the garden and finished planting the peppers, but my knees, which don't do kneeling well anyway, were hurting too much to do anything more. I'll have to finish planting the rest of the veggies another day.

Overall, I'm very happy with how the garden is coming, and I hope we will have a large, healthy harvest. I'm looking forward to canning lots of jalapenos for John, enjoying stuffed bell peppers (a rare treat usually), freezing and drying lots of squash, pickling jars and jars of cucumbers, eating-freezing-and-canning tons of tomatoes, and slicing open ice cold watermelon and cantaloupe when summer reaches it's hottest point in August.

Once my anger subsided, I quickly apologized to John for my outburst. Good husband that he is, he had already forgiven me. My knees will heal long before my heart heals and I forgive myself for letting my temper get away from me once again, however. For the past several years, my hormones seem to have more control of me than I do, and I don't like that.

Angry and irritable is not who I am. It's not who I've spent my life becoming; but this someone I sometimes don't know, this angry me, that snaps so quickly and so brutally at the one person who loves me so dearly... I hope she will be gone soon. I hope the person I once loved being will have a chance to return and finish out the last of my days on this earth, held in the loving, secure embrace of my husband, whom I do dearly love. I hope she will return and bring back the peace I used to know, and the joy I always felt in living each day in the grace and blessedness of knowing Christ, the center and source of my sole reason for being.

We're off to a local, popular fish camp tonight to have dinner with my mom and dad. John has eaten there since childhood, and has gone on and on about it since we wed. Tonight will be the first time for me and my folks. I hear they specialize in catfish, and my dad can certainly enjoy a plateful of catfish! My mom will want shrimp, I'm sure. Me? I think I'm in the mood for oysters! Ooooh!

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

Paramenopause is a pain in the b..... well (ladies), you know. But combine it with diabetes and polycystic ovarian syndrome, and I am trying to go uphill against the wind. I've always been forward-moving, highly organized, and detail-oriented (I can catch details others never see!). However, these days, my concentration and focus are frequently lagging, and my energy level can vary significantly; lately, it's been running quite low. As much as I want to be outside in my garden, I struggle to motivate myself to get there, even knowing I will feel better if I make myself go, and work in the dirt. Though I was quick to purchase plants early in the season, however, I am falling behind at getting them into the garden.

Aside from the fact that the garden bed wasn't ready for planting until mid-April, it hasn't helped that my see-saw energy level has been competing with many rainy days for time in the garden. We've had more rain this spring than we've had in 3-5 years total. Living in a state that has been in an official drought for 7 years or so now, I am grateful for the rain, but it can be equally, a gardener's blessing and bane.

Once the garden was ready for planting, my first priority was to get the tomato plants into the ground. John and I together accomplished that one clear morning two weeks ago. No sooner had we finished planting and watering however, than it started raining!

At this point, all of the tomatoes are doing very well, growing steadily, and even bearing small green fruit. If all goes well, we should get a nice tomato harvest this year. I certainly hope so, considering we've planted 35 tomato plants!

This morning was my next opportunity to get out in the garden. I haven't been sleeping well at night, being mostly wakeful after 4 a.m. So on this day I decided to go ahead and get up instead of rolling around in the bed for several more hours. I had an 11 a.m. medical appointment, and I thought I'd see what I could accomplish before it was time to go.

It was just after 6 a.m. when I rose, dressed, and carried kitchen scraps and feed to the chickens. I removed their night covering and they scrambled into the daylight, pouncing joyfully on the feed when I tossed it all in. I watched them for a little while (a delightful passtime I have adopted), and then decided to work in the garden.

I decided a few days ago that I needed to get the melons in the ground next. I'd had a false start yesterday, when I suddenly lost energy before I could get the melons planted, and had to retreat to the house to lie down. So this morning, while the morning was still cool, and the sun had not yet risen over the trees at the bottom of 5 Acre Farm, and I felt okay, I tried again.

On my hands and knees, crawling through the dirt from one end of the 32' garden to the other, I managed to plant nine Watermelon, three Cantaloupe, and two Buttercup Squash Pumpkin plants! I felt good as I began the task, and I still felt good when it was done.

It was 8:30 a.m. by then, so I went inside, woke John, and got into the shower to clean up. We made it to my appointment on time, then spent the afternoon running errands. We got home around 6:00 p.m., and I threw a quick dinner together while John fed the chickens, the dogs, and the pig. Then we rushed out for a gathering at the church we recently began visiting.

It's been a good day. A day I am grateful for. A day in which I can say I did something productive for a change. I hope tomorrow can be another good day.

I've got a lot of peppers to plant next.

And oh, yes, it rained again today. It started just before we left for my appointment, and it has drizzled on and off all day and into the night where a steady, light downfall, gently hitting the roof and tin awning, will soon be lulling me to sleep.